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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535709">Grumpy Old Men</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist'>terma_archivist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Humor, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2002-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2002-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:47:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After all these years, they're still as frisky as ever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TER/MA</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Grumpy Old Men</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at <a href="https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA">TER/MA</a> and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile">the TER/MA collection profile</a>.<br/>RATING: PG (Nothing too kinky) SPOILERS: Um, none. NOTES: This story was written a long time ago, as sort of a challenge. I apologize in advance for its latent silliness.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a id="top" name="top"></a>
  <a href="#notes">  Go to notes and disclaimers
</a>
</p>
<p><br/><b>Grumpy Old Men
<br/>by Isahunter</b>
</p>
<p><br/><b>Arlington, Virginia</b> 	 	</p>
<p>Sometime in the not-so-distant future.... 
</p>
<p> 	"Thsomeone'sth been usthing my toothbrusth again!" 
</p>
<p>	Absently scratching his overflowing gut, Mulder looked away from the 	ancient rerun of National Geographic.  It didn't get much better 	than humping rhinos. "If you'd put your teeth in, you old fart, 	maybe you'd have reason to use it yourself." 
</p>
<p>	"Thsuck my dick, Mulder," Krycek muttered, slowly staggering back to 	the bathroom. 
</p>
<p>	"If you could get it up without medical assistance, maybe I would." 
</p>
<p>	"Don't make me get my cane and thwap you." 
</p>
<p>	"Promise?"  Mulder's laughter suddenly cut short.  "Son of a—-damn 	it, you made me crap my pants again." 
</p>
<p>	Wheezing, Krycek collapsed against the doorway.  He finished hacking 	before popping his dentures in his mouth.  "Now that's what I call 	beating the shit outta someone." 
</p>
<p>	"You didn't even touch me."  Struggling to pull himself off the 	couch, he made a bowlegged dash towards the bathroom. 
</p>
<p>	"And I don't plan on touching you anytime soon, you old prune. 	You're lucky I remembered to buy your Depends." 
</p>
<p>	Hurrying past a counter piled with hemorrhoid creme, Alka Seltzers, 	tweezers, prescription bottles, and K-Y jelly, Mulder yanked down 	his elastic-waist slacks and sat promptly on the toilet...damned 	near falling in the water. 
</p>
<p>	"How many times do I have to tell you to put the fucking lid down?" 
</p>
<p>	The look Krycek gave him spoke volumes...you couldn't tell an 	Alzheimer's sufferer anything and expect him to remember.  Waving 	his hand in front of his face, Krycek picked up the dangling pen 	next to the Post-It notes on the wall and added Beano to the grocery 	list. 
</p>
<p>	"Don't forget to empty the diaper pail this week," he grumbled, 	heading down the hall. 
</p>
<p>	"You're just jealous, 'cause I still have all my hair." 
</p>
<p>	"On your back." 
</p>
<p>	"This attitude isn't going to get you anywhere tonight, pretty boy." 
</p>
<p>	"If you start snoring again before you get your clothes off, I don't 	give a damn." 
</p>
<p>	"You know why those bastards don't give you hits anymore?  Because 	it takes you an hour to pull the trigger.  And Viagra doesn't even 	help in that area." 
</p>
<p>	"Ah, bite me, Fogey...Ooof—" 
</p>
<p>	Before he'd even stepped two feet into the bedroom, he was hit from 	behind and propelled towards the mattress by Mulder's still 	formidable body.  "But I still love you, Geezer." 
</p>
<p>	"You stink." 
</p>
<p>	His response was a kiss on his stubbly cheek.  "I grabbed your 	pills...wanna fuck me like a wild animal?" 
</p>
<p>	"Mulder—" 
</p>
<p>	"Yeah?" 
</p>
<p>	"I think I just broke my hip." 
</p>
<p> 	End.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <a id="notes" name="notes"></a>
</p>
<table>
  <tbody>
    <tr>
      <td> 	RATING:  PG  (Nothing too kinky) 	<br/>CATEGORY:  M/K Slash, Humor (sick and twisted as it is) 	<br/>SPOILERS:  Um, none. 	<br/>FEEDBACK: [email removed] 	<br/>DISCLAIMER:  These characters aren't mine, and probably aren't even 	recognizable in this story!  No infringement intended. 	<br/>SUMMARY:  After all these years, they're still as frisky as ever. 	<br/>NOTES:  This story was written a long time ago, as sort of 	a challenge.  I apologize in advance for its latent silliness. </td>
    </tr>
  </tbody>
</table>
  </div></div>
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